Tattles and Curtains-Get the Connection?
by ThePro-LifeCatholic
Summary: Loki does something he shouldn't, and Thor wants to tattle. Throw in the Warriors Three, Sif, Odin, cardboard, and an unfortunate encounter with curtains, and you have...pure randomness. Story written by (and between) two people for a Thor-obsessed friend.


**Author('s) Note:**

**TP-LC = ThePro-LifeCatholic (yours truly)**

**T CbBG = The CardboardBoxGirl (she doesn't have an account on this site, so don't look for her. Really. It's not worth your time.)**

**Loki is my all-time fav character in Thor (I hope for redemption for him in the 2****nd**** Thor movie), and Sif is The CardboardBoxGirl's favorite. Thor is a favorite with a friend of ours, and this story was done for her.**

**God bless and enjoy!**

**WARNING: READING THIS STORY MAY ENDANGER YOUR LIFE. IF YOU HAVE A TENDENCY TO LAUGH A LOT AT ANYTHING CONSIDERED REMOTELY FUNNY, PLEASE CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY OF DYING OF LAUGHTER BEFORE READING THIS. WE WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY MISFORTUNES/DEATHS AS A RESULT OF THIS STORY. THANK YOU.**

(**TP-LC**): Loki bounced off of the ceiling and landed with a *thunk* on the floor. Bracing himself yet again, the black-haired demi-god ran forward, up the wall and part-way onto the slanting roof before leaping earthwards. At the sound of approaching footsteps, he stopped abruptly in mid-run. This sudden halt caused him to crash onto the floor. Getting up and dusting himself off, the god of mischief turned to see who the approaching person could be.

(**T CbBG**): Thor entered the room. He took one look at Loki's bruised face, then at the foot-marks on the ceiling and said, "You've been running on the walls again, haven't you?" Then, without waiting for a reply, the older demi-god turned and began to run out of the room. He called back over his shoulder as he ran, "I'm going to tell Father!"

(**TP-LC**): Loki sped down the hallway, jumping on top of his brother (by adoption).

"Oh no you won't!" he shouted. As he said this, he made multiple copies of himself, all of them pinning down Thor and shouting incoherently. Just when things couldn't have gotten much more hectic, they did. And that was because Sif and the Warriors Three turned the corner, coming down the hallway. The four newcomers stopped, taking in the all-too-familiar scene going on before them.

(**T CbBG**): Sensing that Thor was in danger, Sif made the first move. She figured that the Loki moving the most was the real Loki. Swiftly, she charged forward, knocking that Loki on the head, he vanished. She had figured wrong. Now she was in the middle of annoying, but good looking, gods. Thor looked at her, "Nice rescue." he commented. Sif glared at him while the Lokis began moving in closer,

"Not one word hammer-head; not one word." She hissed angrily at her suffering companion.

(**TP-LC**): "FOR ASGARD!" Hogun (the Grim), Fandral (the Dashing), and Volstagg (the Valiant) yelled at the top of their lungs. Pulling out their weapons, they jumped forward as one, bashing anything in sight (and reach). All the Lokis vanished; the real one went flying, crashing through a window and falling down the 30 stories before landing on a really soft bush. Thor came soon after, landing on his not-so-soft brother. Sif barely managed to slip away from the three warriors' rash flailing. As the sons of Odin fell, silence did also. Sif, after watching the two gods for a moment (to see that they landed somewhat safely), turned to the three uncomfortable-looking men and addressed them in a soft, sweet voice (a voice, by the way, which she used right before someone was going to die/get mortally wounded):

"Could one of you please explain to me what you hope to accomplish by trying to murder the two sons of High King Odin of Asgard?"

(**T CbBG**) An awkward silence followed before the three guilty destructors all started talking at once. Sif was trying to figure out what a unicorn, mentioned by Hogun the grim, had to do with all of this. Then all three froze, for the elder Odinson had let out a shout of pain. A barely audible, "Suck it up, you big baby," followed from Loki. The female warrior turned and looked at her victims one at a time. Then slowly, slowly she raised her eyebrows,

"I'm going to give you fifteen seconds, if you're not well hid then don't expect to live very much longer."

(**TP-LC**): The hallway was emptied in less than five seconds.

Meanwhile, outside and at the bottom of the building, Thor was standing up, gingerly stretching and feeling over his body, making sure nothing was broken. Loki, now that his brother was off of his chest, could allow a weak, high-pitched squeaking moan escape his lips. Thor, seeing Loki was still lying in the same position and not making any move, looked down at him.

"Are you going to get up?" the blond-haired god asked. Loki's moan lasted a few moments longer before wavering to a gasping halt. After what seemed like an eternity of silence to Thor, Loki wheezed out in a small voice:

"You…you…..fell…on me." Thor raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, well then; you can just 'suck it up, you big baby'," he answered with a mischievous grin. Loki didn't reply.

(**T CbBG**): "Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. Whether you're ready to die or not, here I come!" The black-haired woman picked up her weapon and menacingly looked around the room before leaving to start her hunt. It wasn't long before she spotted a dashing looking figure. She pretended she hadn't seen a thing and casually walked out of the room. Once out of sight she quickened her quiet footsteps until she got outside, she then rounded the corner to reach her desired destination. After scooping up two gloved hand-fulls of mud she stealthily made her way to a window where she could see her prey, but she couldn't be located. Taking careful aim she raised both hands and let the soft, wet globs of earth fly; both hit where intended: Fandral's hair.

Outside Loki was making his way slowly to his feet, groaning with every move he made. Thor was wearing an annoyed look and had already rolled his eyes more than once now, he did it once more. "Are you going to be all day about it?" he questioned raising an eyebrow. His only answer was yet another exasperated groan. Staring a second longer he turned around and walked inside. Loki stopped in mid-moan to watch his "heartless" brother leave him in "total anguish".

(**TP-LC**): Sif chuckled softly as she spotted a figure standing by the food-laden table in the dining room. It was the first place she looked, and she honestly wasn't all that surprised that Volstagg, despite his terror, would go there (of all places) to hide. The said warrior was busily stuffing his face with food when a very familiar voice sounded from somewhere very close by.

"Well, well, well," Sif said, a dangerous edge to her otherwise calm and quiet voice. "Who do we have here?" Volstagg wheeled, still holding a loaf of delicious spice bread in one hand. Sif, well hidden, could barely suppress her laughter as she looked at the expression on Volstagg's face.

"Not feeling so valiant now, are we?" she asked. Volstagg tried to swallow, and ended up gagging instead. He fell over, hacking loudly. Sif gave him an unimpressed look before walking away. Some things just weren't worth it.

The front door opened, and the two gods limped in (alright, it was really only Loki who was limping. Thor merely said that he 'felt a little sore in the legs, but I'm really not limping. Really.'). They stopped just inside, hands on their knees, panting.

"Just let me get a breather," Loki gasped. Thor nodded.

"I don't remember ever feeling so sore after walking five feet across the yard to the front door," the blond-haired god stated. Loki nodded.

"Well," Thor said, after they had a rest, and were steeling themselves to move on, "I hope this all shows you."

"Shows me what?" Loki asked, confused.

"Not to go jumping on me, of course," Thor said. The two gods, feeling renewed after their rest, looked around, and their faces fell and they felt plunged into the deepest depths of despair. Before them lay the vast, shiny, well-polished marble floor, and beyond it…the stairs.

(**T CbBG**): Sif was thinking about going back to help the chocking man behind her, but decided against it; she had more pressing matters to attend to…

Loki staggered the first few steps. Turning to look over his shoulder he lost his balance and with a sharp gasp he fell to the floor. Wincing in pain, he staggered again to his feet. Thor suddenly stood straighter despite his aching back and exclaimed,

"Eureka!" he shouted. Loki stared at his brother, waiting for an explanation to this sudden discovery, wow, he was really that desperate? Luckily, he didn't have to wait long…

Sif had searched in the throne room, the hall, the kitchen, the dungeon, and the grounds around the castle. Still no grim figure could she find. Halting, she placed one hand on her hip and the other on her chin. There she stood in her thinking position. She thought, and thought, and thought, and then, suddenly, it dawned on her.

Thor sat on one side of the cardboard, Loki on the other. The younger god was beginning to doubt this was a sane plan when the older god pushed off the floor with his foot, catapulting the flat cardboard forward. It went approximately three feet, and flipped over. Both brothers landed with a loud thunk and carefully hauled themselves up. Loki turned to Thor in time to see a thoughtful expression come over his face. "Here we go again…" thought the black-haired god.

Sif made her way carefully down one hallway and up a stair case. She stopped to see Thor and Loki as they put together…something, she shrugged. They looked okay, sort of, any way she couldn't stop now. Quietly, she entered the drawing room. She glanced around and then mounted herself onto the curtain pole and waited. If she had guessed rightly…her target would come to her…

(**TP-LC**): "I really thought that sliding ourselves across the floor on a piece of cardboard would work," Thor stated to himself for the third time. Loki rolled his eyes. Why did his brother seem surprised that it hadn't? It was a piece of flimsy cardboard, for cryin' out loud. They were two full-grown male gods.

"By the eight legs of my father's horse, I _will_ find a way for us to get across this wide floor and up the thirty flights of stairs free from injury and further harm!" Thor exclaimed, and went back to work. Loki leaned against the wall, watching his brother assemble random pieces of wood and metal which had not been there before.

"You _do_ realize that you're using up more of your energy by building stuff, right?" Loki questioned. Thor did not even look up as he answered.

"No, I'm using up energy because _you_ aren't helping me." Sighing and rolling his eyes, Loki walked over and began to build.

"What exactly are you making, brother?"

"A catapult."

"…This should end well."

The two fell silent, the only sounds being the clatter of wood against wood, wood against metal, and metal against metal. After several minutes, Thor and Loki stepped back to survey their handiwork.

"That thing isn't going to take us anywhere," Loki said. Thor walked over and examined it.

"I think it might," he said thoughtfully. "We only need someone to launch it for us."

Sif leaned over, peering down from where she was perched on the curtain rod. At the sound of approaching footsteps, she leaned back as far as she could and sucked in her breath. Hogun was walking as silently as possible, wary for any type of noise or movement. He stopped just in front of the curtains, completely unaware of what was (literally) about to befall him. No one was prepared for what happened next.

Fandral (followed by Volstagg) rushed in, glanced around, and threw the leftover mud from his hair at Sif. Trying to dodge the wet earth, Sif lost her balance and fell. Hogun started back, slipping on the mud which had landed on the floor, and went skidding towards Thor and Loki's catapult. Volstagg leaped over Hogun and grabbed onto the curtains. They came down on top of him and he tripped forwards onto the catapult. Thor and Loki jumped away from the catapult just as Hogun reached it, and Volstagg went sailing through the air.

(**T CbBG**): He flew straight into Sif (and the wall) both fell to the ground. "I'm glad we found someone to test it for us before we tried it on ourselves." Loki said looking down at the two groaning warriors. A crash made them all jump; the once-standing-catapult was now a pile of metal, wood, mud, and more metal. Outside, they heard the sound of Odin returning from his hunting trip, along with a great many of the castle knights. The six unfortunate people sat/laid in total quiet looking at the messy room, and then they all leapt into action. Thor quickly scooped up some of the pieces of the broken catapult and tossed them out the nearest window. Following his brother's example Loki began to clear away the mud. Sif leapt back up on top of the curtain pole as Fandral and Hogun handed her the curtain. Loki was the first one done, he noticed Volstagg was still on the floor; striding over the god nudged the man with toe of his boot. No reaction.

"He's out cold." Loki stated plainly. Hogun along with Sif pushed and pulled the unconscious Volstagg out of the room. The two brothers were chucking building materials out of the room as fast as possible, while Fandral tried to get the mud out of his hair.

Down below Odin stood watching wood, metal, and mud rain down into the garden. He looked up towards the open window; some ones had a lot of explaining to do.

(**TP-LC**): When Odin walked into the room, everything was practically in order. There was some mud on the floor, a few slivers of wood, and the curtains were on upside-down and twisted together, but for the most part, everything looked as it had when Odin left that morning. Loki and Thor were straightening out their clothes, Sif was sweeping the last of the wood out the door, Hogun was standing around looking grim, and Fandral was brushing his hair. They all stopped what they were doing and bowed as Odin stepped into the room.

"What's been going on?" Odin asked, looking around. Sif glanced at Fandral, who looked at Hogun, who discreetly nodded to Thor, who pushed Loki forward. Loki glared at his brother before turning to face the King of Asgard.

"Nothing much, father," he said as calmly as possible. Odin looked Loki up and down and then Thor, taking in their bruises and altogether disheveled-ness.

"Loki was running up walls again, father," Thor put in quickly. Odin glanced at Loki.

"Is that all?" Odin asked. Suddenly, he decided that, whatever they had done, he probably didn't want to know. "Very well, then, carry on." With a final look towards the curtains (and whoever's head of hair that was), Odin very quickly exited the room. As the door shut behind him, Thor, Loki, Sif, and the Warriors Two heaved sighs of relief.

"He didn't suspect a thing," Fandral said happily. The curtain rod groaned and broke, crashing down onto the ground, taking Volstagg and the curtains with it.

Odin, hearing the crash from outside, stopped and turned back to the doorway. He strode to the door and rested his hand on the handle.

Did he really want to know…?

Just then, with a mighty "Heave HO!" from Thor, one of the bottom side windows crashed, and Odin saw something resembling a man swathed up in cloth fall from where the window had been moments before. Whatever (or Whoever) it was landed on the ground with a muffled 'thump', and he just barely caught the sound of a faint, agonized moan. Jerking his hand away from the handle, Odin almost ran out to the street again.

…No, he most certainly _did not_ want to know what they had been doing.

(**T CbBG**): Thor watched the place where Volstagg had disappeared moments before, then he turned to his younger brother a smile on his face, "I told father." Loki stared at his brother.

"Do you really want to go out the window?" He asked menacingly. Sif looked from one Odinson to the other, she and Fandral glanced at each other and each grabbed a god by the shoulder and began to pull them apart,

"We've done enough for one day," growled Sif as she dragged Loki, who was still shouting at Thor, past Odin. The man watched as his son was forced down a hall and around a corner. Maybe he would ask…in a century or two that is.


End file.
